Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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