my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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