That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize