i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
