your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I supernannyed him into submission
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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