she woke up with a sticky ear
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
