some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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