She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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