..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
