Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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