I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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