I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
