turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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