are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
