Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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