we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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