I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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