Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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