Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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