Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize