Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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