I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
