No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.