she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i barfeds in our rink
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.