The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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