Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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