U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize