in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
