i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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