oh good, I think they're gone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.