Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me