I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.