Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman

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(440): I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman http://tfl.nu/jmt9

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.

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(651): I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning. http://tfl.nu/un48

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

i am grossed the fuck out

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(843): so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy (1-843): i am grossed the fuck out http://tfl.nu/o4kg

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(720): View more from Colorado

Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

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(720): Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight. http://tfl.nu/wlf9

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(209): View more from California

Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

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(209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg

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(904): View more from Florida

I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.

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(904): I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester. http://tfl.nu/arpr

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Intervention is following me on twitter.

(440): View more from Ohio

wow.

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(908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti

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(404): View more from Georgia

No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

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(404): No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it. http://tfl.nu/6j8m

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

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(203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

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(832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2

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(917): View more from New York City

Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.

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(917): Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/c8gk

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.

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(832): I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water. http://tfl.nu/tyil

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...

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(780): Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it... http://tfl.nu/howp

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(479): View more from Arkansas

It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.

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(479): It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule. http://tfl.nu/n9xy

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(714): View more from California

I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!

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(714): I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!! http://tfl.nu/1fo4

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