I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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