Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
