Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
