I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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