I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
