So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
