They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like