im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In America we eat man semen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?