I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out