They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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