yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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