so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
