Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
porn star boner night. come get it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
