So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.