I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.