in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.