I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."