I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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