covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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