soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
