I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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