shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
