about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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