I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize