but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
