I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
