So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think your dad took our porno
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize