Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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